When Did My Kids Get So Big?

Every once in a while, someone looks at my boys and says, “Your kids are pretty much grown now. It must be nice.”

They’re not wrong.

My older son is 18 and going to BCIT. My younger son is 15 and in Grade 10.
Nobody needs me to brush their teeth anymore.

That part is definitely nice.

There was a time when I picked their clothes, gave them baths, woke them up, cleaned up their toys and drove them everywhere.

Some of my favourite memories are simple ones. Washing them in the bath. Wrestling on the bed. Going for bike rides. Making Halloween costumes together.

Now one of them drives. They choose their own courses. They do most of their schoolwork on their own. They think about jobs, money and what they might want to do with their lives.

They have their own opinions too. Plenty of them.
Somehow, we got here pretty quickly.

And I don’t say that because I wasn’t around.

People sometimes think Realtors have flexible schedules because we make our own schedules. In reality, our schedules often depend on when everyone else is available. I worked weekends and evenings, but I always tried to make time for my wife and boys. If I worked during the day, we had the morning or evening together.

Even when you’re there for it, the years still go fast.

There are things I miss about when they were little. I miss their innocence. When Mom, Dad or a teacher told them something, they pretty much believed it.

But, I wouldn’t want to go back.

I like watching them think for themselves. They ask questions now. They make decisions. They’re figuring out what they believe and why.

Even their faith has become more their own. As a dad, that means a lot to me.

I also really enjoy our conversations now.

We talk about school, church, friendships, careers, cars and the future. We share a lot of interests. We watch things together and laugh.

Sometimes the conversations are serious. Sometimes they’re definitely not.

I can talk to them more openly about life now too. I don’t have to pretend everything is easy.

They’re getting old enough to understand that sometimes you make a decision and have to live with it. Nobody is always going to remind you about your homework or tell you what to do next.

At some point, your life starts becoming your responsibility.

Maybe that’s what I’m really noticing.

For years, my wife and I made so many decisions for them. Now, we’re watching them make their own.

But I don’t think that means my job is finished.

I’m still their dad.

I’ll be here when they want to talk. I’ll support them. I’ll give them advice when they need it.

And I’m looking forward to what comes next.

I want to see what kind of work they choose and what they become passionate about. I want to watch them buy their own cars, pay their own bills and maybe even move out.

I hope I get to see them serve and lead in the church and help other people. Maybe one day they’ll fall in love and have families of their own.

I’m looking forward to all of that.

But I’m not in a hurry to get there.

That’s probably something I wouldn’t have said twenty years ago.

For a lot of my life, I was looking ahead.

When I make enough money.

When I have more time.

When I have a bigger house.

When the kids are older.

Well...

The kids are older.

And I’ve had enough years now to realize there is always another “when.”

That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with wanting things. I still have goals. I want to work hard. I want to provide well for my family. I want to help people and enjoy the things God has given us.

But reading the Bible over the last few years has been changing the way I look at all of it.

Scripture keeps bringing me back to contentment. To where my treasure is. To how quickly the things we spend so much time chasing can pass away.

And I’ve started to wonder how much of life I’ve spent waiting for a better version of it.

Maybe when this happens.

Maybe when I have that.

Maybe when things settle down.

The funny thing is, some of those things eventually happened.

And life just kept going.

I think I’m beginning to understand that joy isn’t waiting for me somewhere ahead.

For me, it comes from something much deeper.

Knowing my life is in the hands of God. Knowing that His grace isn’t something I have to earn by becoming more successful or getting my life exactly where I want it.

I’m still learning what that means.

I still get caught up in work. I still think about money and the future. I still chase things.

But if I could sit down with myself from twenty years ago, I think I’d tell him to slow down a little.

Be grateful for what you have now.

Read the Bible.

Pay attention to what God has already given you.

Don’t chase so much.

Embrace.

Right now, my boys are 15 and 18.

We can talk about cars, school, church and their future. We can watch something stupid and laugh together. They still come to my wife and me when they want to talk.

And I get to watch them become their own people.

I know this season won’t last either.

That’s okay.

I don’t want the old one back. I don’t need the next one to come any faster.

For now, I think I’d just like to be here.

What Am I Actually Working For?

Before becoming a Realtor, I worked in residential renovations and construction while attending BCIT.

One of the things I enjoyed most was seeing what a space could become. An unfinished basement might be nothing more than concrete floors and exposed framing. But with a little imagination and a lot of work, it could become a family room, a bedroom, or a place where people actually wanted to spend time.

I loved taking a space that wasn't being used and turning it into something useful.

Of course, carrying heavy equipment and wearing steel-toe boots every day wasn't quite as enjoyable.

People would sometimes tell me, "Jimmy, with your personality, you should be selling homes instead of fixing them."

They had a point. I enjoyed talking to people, understanding their problems, and helping them find solutions.

And trading my steel-toe boots for dress shoes didn't sound too bad either.

So I became a Realtor.

Eighteen years later, I'm grateful to God for the opportunities and people I've encountered. What I've enjoyed most about this work still isn't the sales or marketing. It's helping people.

If someone has a question, I try to answer it. If I don't know, I'll help find the answer. I often take on more than what's required because I genuinely want to help.

But over the years, there have also been experiences that made me question why I do what I do.

I remember one particularly difficult time when I needed to be at the emergency room for several hours. I couldn't answer my phone as quickly as usual and responded to messages hours later.

By then, I'd received unpleasant messages suggesting that once Jimmy makes a sale, he's nowhere to be found.

That hurt.

It wasn't the only experience that made me stop and think, but it was one that stayed with me.

I remember wondering, Why am I even helping people? Not exactly the kind of thought you'd put on a Realtor's business card.

For the past few years, questions like that have stayed with me.

Why could someone's reaction affect me so deeply? Was I helping people simply because I enjoyed it? Or had I also started depending on their appreciation to feel that I was doing something worthwhile?

I didn't particularly like asking myself those questions.

But they began changing the way I looked at other parts of my work too.

A successful sale feels good. So does reaching a goal or having a busy year. There's nothing wrong with enjoying those moments.

But I've noticed how quickly the goal can move.

Have a good year, and naturally you want an even better one. When business is steady, it's easy to feel good. When things slow down, it's easy to feel discouraged.

I've ridden that rollercoaster too.

Of course, a slow market brings real challenges. There are bills to pay and responsibilities to meet. I'm not suggesting that results don't matter.

I've just become much more careful about what I expect those results to give me.

Because if another accomplishment is what I'm counting on to feel that life is going well, when will it ever be enough?

Real estate is an interesting business.

Our names are everywhere. Billboards, bus stops, lawn signs, websites, YouTube, and Reels. Sometimes I wonder if there are more Realtors on bus benches than people actually sitting on them.

There's nothing wrong with marketing. People need to know who you are and what you do. I've done my share of it too.

But over the past few years, I've found myself looking at all of this differently.

What am I actually trying to build?

A successful business? A recognizable name? A reputation for being the guy who can help solve just about any problem?

Those aren't necessarily bad things.

But even if everyone knew my name, what would that really give me?

Maybe part of the answer is a certain feeling.

A successful transaction can make me feel accomplished. Someone's appreciation can make me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. A difficult conversation can make me feel like I've failed. And sometimes business can be going well and I still don't feel particularly successful.

That's made me question how much I should trust those feelings to tell me who I am.

Feelings are real, but they change. I can feel appreciated one day and criticized the next. I can feel accomplished today and wonder tomorrow whether I've done enough.

If how I feel about myself can change that quickly, maybe my feelings were never meant to define me in the first place.

That's one of the things I've been thinking about over the past few years as I've spent more time reading the Bible.

One of the things that has stayed with me is how Jesus treated people. He cared for them, spent time with them, and helped those often overlooked.

But He wasn't chasing everyone's approval.

That has made me look differently at my own desire to help people.

I still need to listen when someone has a legitimate concern. I make mistakes, and there are things I need to improve. But I don't want someone's approval, or lack of it, to determine why I do what I do.

I enjoy helping people, and I believe God has given me that desire.

Maybe the way I care for someone can offer a small glimpse of the God I've come to know - a God who isn't distant, but who comes near.

That thought has changed the way I see my work.

I don't have to be the guy who can fix everything. I don't have to make everyone happy. And I don't have to make Jimmy's name known for my work to matter.

I still want to work hard. I still want to solve problems. I still want to help people. Those things haven't become less meaningful to me.

If anything, they have become more meaningful because I'm learning not to ask them to give me something they were never meant to give.

I’ve been thinking about all of this for a few years now, and I certainly don’t have it figured out.

But I do look at work differently than I used to. After eighteen years in real estate, I'm still learning.

Apparently, trading in the steel-toe boots was the easy part.