Every once in a while, someone looks at my boys and says, “Your kids are pretty much grown now. It must be nice.”
They’re not wrong.
My older son is 18 and going to BCIT. My younger son is 15 and in Grade 10.
Nobody needs me to brush their teeth anymore.
That part is definitely nice.
There was a time when I picked their clothes, gave them baths, woke them up, cleaned up their toys and drove them everywhere.
Some of my favourite memories are simple ones. Washing them in the bath. Wrestling on the bed. Going for bike rides. Making Halloween costumes together.
Now one of them drives. They choose their own courses. They do most of their schoolwork on their own. They think about jobs, money and what they might want to do with their lives.
They have their own opinions too. Plenty of them.
Somehow, we got here pretty quickly.
And I don’t say that because I wasn’t around.
People sometimes think Realtors have flexible schedules because we make our own schedules. In reality, our schedules often depend on when everyone else is available. I worked weekends and evenings, but I always tried to make time for my wife and boys. If I worked during the day, we had the morning or evening together.
Even when you’re there for it, the years still go fast.
There are things I miss about when they were little. I miss their innocence. When Mom, Dad or a teacher told them something, they pretty much believed it.
But, I wouldn’t want to go back.
I like watching them think for themselves. They ask questions now. They make decisions. They’re figuring out what they believe and why.
Even their faith has become more their own. As a dad, that means a lot to me.
I also really enjoy our conversations now.
We talk about school, church, friendships, careers, cars and the future. We share a lot of interests. We watch things together and laugh.
Sometimes the conversations are serious. Sometimes they’re definitely not.
I can talk to them more openly about life now too. I don’t have to pretend everything is easy.
They’re getting old enough to understand that sometimes you make a decision and have to live with it. Nobody is always going to remind you about your homework or tell you what to do next.
At some point, your life starts becoming your responsibility.
Maybe that’s what I’m really noticing.
For years, my wife and I made so many decisions for them. Now, we’re watching them make their own.
But I don’t think that means my job is finished.
I’m still their dad.
I’ll be here when they want to talk. I’ll support them. I’ll give them advice when they need it.
And I’m looking forward to what comes next.
I want to see what kind of work they choose and what they become passionate about. I want to watch them buy their own cars, pay their own bills and maybe even move out.
I hope I get to see them serve and lead in the church and help other people. Maybe one day they’ll fall in love and have families of their own.
I’m looking forward to all of that.
But I’m not in a hurry to get there.
That’s probably something I wouldn’t have said twenty years ago.
For a lot of my life, I was looking ahead.
When I make enough money.
When I have more time.
When I have a bigger house.
When the kids are older.
Well...
The kids are older.
And I’ve had enough years now to realize there is always another “when.”
That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with wanting things. I still have goals. I want to work hard. I want to provide well for my family. I want to help people and enjoy the things God has given us.
But reading the Bible over the last few years has been changing the way I look at all of it.
Scripture keeps bringing me back to contentment. To where my treasure is. To how quickly the things we spend so much time chasing can pass away.
And I’ve started to wonder how much of life I’ve spent waiting for a better version of it.
Maybe when this happens.
Maybe when I have that.
Maybe when things settle down.
The funny thing is, some of those things eventually happened.
And life just kept going.
I think I’m beginning to understand that joy isn’t waiting for me somewhere ahead.
For me, it comes from something much deeper.
Knowing my life is in the hands of God. Knowing that His grace isn’t something I have to earn by becoming more successful or getting my life exactly where I want it.
I’m still learning what that means.
I still get caught up in work. I still think about money and the future. I still chase things.
But if I could sit down with myself from twenty years ago, I think I’d tell him to slow down a little.
Be grateful for what you have now.
Read the Bible.
Pay attention to what God has already given you.
Don’t chase so much.
Embrace.
Right now, my boys are 15 and 18.
We can talk about cars, school, church and their future. We can watch something stupid and laugh together. They still come to my wife and me when they want to talk.
And I get to watch them become their own people.
I know this season won’t last either.
That’s okay.
I don’t want the old one back. I don’t need the next one to come any faster.
For now, I think I’d just like to be here.